Drifting Aimlessly at Sea : Going Inactive
I believe strongly in this church. I believe strongly in the things this church has taught me and the principles of which I have lived a life by. However, I am floating. I am sinking. I am drowning. There is no lighthouse in view. There are no burning candles from the shore. Instead there’s just me. There’s just a man who believes in his convictions, yet can’t seem to handle the choices that come with it. There’s a man who is tired of searching for the light, and tired of treading water. A man who has decided that the moon may move the tide, but it will never move him to where he needs to be. I’m a man direly in need of a break. It is extremely difficult being a Mormon in my current environment. It’s even more difficult than I...
When a Heart Breaks, the Atonement Heals
It happens. We’re traveling down the road of life, happily driving along. Birds are singing, flowers are blooming, the sun is shining. Things are beautiful. Things are peaceful. Things are right. Then it happens. We see a storm cloud roll in. We hit a pothole. We run out of gas. Someone blindsides us. All of our progress stops and we’re left standing still on our road of life wondering how in the world this happens, and even more so, why it happened. Time and time again in my life I have been in this position, left holding the pieces of what I truly thought was a broken happiness. Many times, I’ve often thought my heart and my life were broken beyond repair. It’s in that moment that I’ve been faced with two options and only two options. I can either sit...
Two Years Later: A Letter to Myself
Dear Joshua, I know you’re nervous right now. In fact, you’re shaking like a leaf. You’re alone in your room right now. You’re thinking “is this what I want to do?” and “is this the right thing to do?” – And the answer to both of those… well… we’ll get there. You’re looking at yourself in the mirror. Standing there, dressed in a white button up shirt and white pants. You’re sweating. You’re anxious. Your family doesn’t know. Your friends don’t know. It’s just you. Trust me when I say this – this decision is going to shape the rest of your life. From this moment forward, everything you do is going to go back to this decision. Every night before you go to bed, you’re going to remember that moment. I want you to know though,...
Threadbare, Weary, Gypsy Saint
Last night, I had an experience. Not something I can truly explain; not something I feel I should even attempt to explain. Last night was one of those surreal moments where I felt that everything around me slowed down, and I was pulled out of the situation I was in so that I could see everything. There I was, in a circle of friends. Drinking ginger ale while they all drank mixed drinks. The smell of cigarettes was sickening. Badly sang karaoke was pouring out of the speakers. This was my Tuesday night. In fact, this has been my Tuesday night since mid-summer. Without saying a word, I got in my car and drove away. I didn’t look back with regret. I didn’t look back with disapproval. I just simply didn’t look back. When I finally got home, I looked at myself in...
A Blessing of Rambling About Life
Life. It’s tragic. It’s beautiful. It’s heartbreaking. Life. It can truly be a bitch. It can also truly be a blessing. Within a period of hours, two men were put to death by their own government. A white man in Texas was executed for killing a black man. In Georgia, a white man was executed for killing a white man. In the wee hours of this morning, a friend of mine kissed his wife and his 2 month old son goodbye and his left to serve his country in the Marines. He is scheduled to be gone for two years. In the days to come, a nationally known sports journalist will gather with his family as they place his infant son in the ground and bury him. Tomorrow I will be witness to the marriage of two high school sweethearts who have loved each other unconditonally...
A Blessing of Coming to Shore
In 1871, famed evangelist Dwight L. Moody delivered a sermon that would change the life of Philip Bliss forever. The sermon spoke of a ship desperately searching for the shores of Cleveland’s harbor during the midst of a terrible storm in the darkest of hours. The Captain of the ship, sensing that they were getting close due to the lights of the lighthouse shining, shouted out “Is this Cleveland?” “It is, indeed!” shouted back the keeper of the lighthouse. “Where are the lower lights?” the Captain asked. The lower lights were those that burned along the coastline in the homes, shops, and churches that make up the community on the edge of the shore. “They have burned out, can you make it to shore regardless?” answered the Keeper. “We must, or...
Count Your Blessings Week
As I work myself back into the blogging world, I wanted to do something I haven’t done before. I wanted to give myself a theme and definition of what it is I wanted to write about. While I have shared with some of you the darker days of my life, I don’t feel I’ve shared nearly enough of the abundance I’ve been blessed with. That’s why this week on WearySaint.com it’s “Count Your Blessings Week”. Every day for the next week, I’ll be writing posts, taking pictures, sharing little pieces of my life with you here and on Twitter. I want to encourage you to participate with me. How? It’s simple. Join me. Blog Your Blessings - If you have a blog, I encourage you to join me in this. If you don’t have a blog, no problem. I will offer you mine. If...
